Who You'd be Today
by Sam1
Summary: The loss of a brother still hurts another. Deathfic. A tissue warning is being issued. Another POV added. Tissue warning still stands.
1. Who You'd Be Today

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Tracys, Thunderbirds, or International Rescue. I'm just borrowing them for this story.

**A/N:** Thanks to Lissysue85 and Criminally Charmed for reading over this story for me. Oh, Lissysue85 said that there should be a tissue warning. sam1

**Who You'd be Today**

Ten years and the hole in my heart is still there. Whoever said that time heals all wounds was full of it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. How could I not? You are…were my brother. God, that sounds so wrong. Like you never existed but I know you did. Your memory lives on in my heart and soul. I can recall your grin and it amazes me even now how it changed depending on what you were doing or watching. I remember you cheering me at the Summer Olympics and I could see the pride in that grin. The contentment when you relaxed on the beach, watching the dolphins in the cove. My personal favorite was the mischievous grin you had when you thought up a great prank.

Staring out at the endless miles of ocean, I let a handful of sand trickle through my fingers. Sighing, I glance up at the evening sky and can't stop the tears that had been stinging my eyes. "WHY?" Just like that I erupt into a furious tirade at the heavens. "Why did you take him from us? We never hurt anyone. We put our lives on the line with every call out. What the hell did we ever do to deserve the pain of losing yet another loved one?"

_Sweaty and red-faced, he wiped his glove across his face leaving a soot trail. "Nice look, Johnny, just like a raccoon." I grinned when he flipped me off. "I'm telling Dad that you're using bad sign language again."_

"_Whatever, fish-face, I'm hot and dirty," he replied, grinning evilly. I should have known then that he was up to something. Now that the rescue was finished, we were able to relax a bit._

_All of a sudden a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over my head. Shaking my head, I managed to get him a bit wet as well. "Ahh, that was refreshing." _

_Scott shoved the bucket on my head, muttering something about me being a fish out of water. As if he should ever be able to forget that. A loud crackling sound reverberated through the wooded area we had gone to rescue some campers who had gotten trapped by a forest fire. I saw one gloved hand on Scott's back just as I felt one on mine and both of us were shoved clear of a tree that had caught fire and was falling towards us. _

_I'll never forget the screams of my brother as the tree held him pinned to the ground and the fire burned his exposed hands, neck and head. Somehow, Scott and I got the fire put out and miraculously our brother still lived. _

_Eyes closed, his breath hitched and whimpers of pain sounded from his burnt lips. Rushing about as fast as we could to get him into Two, we both heard his whispered pleas of going home. "We're going to take you home, Johnny. Brains will have you fixed up in no time," Scott choked out. He knew as well as I did that it was unlikely that John would make it home. The one thing I was grateful for was that Thunderbird One was out of commission and Scott would go home the way he came, in Two. I did what I could to help get John situated and then loaded the Firefly in her pod. After getting word from that he and Johnny were ready, I had Two in the air and heading for home. I sat in the cockpit and listened for Scott, tears already streaming down my face. _

_Feeling Two land, Scott leaned over our brother, "We're home, Johnny. You can let go, now." I heard those words on the intercom followed by the anguished cry of my oldest brother. _

Kicking at the sand, my anger at a God I'd believed in all my life intensified as it always did this time of year. In Kansas, it would be Fall and that had been his favorite time of year. "Wasn't it enough that you took Mom from us when we needed her most?" My tears fell faster and my sobs grew harsher until it hurt to breathe. My voice wavered and dropped to a whisper, "I wasn't ready to let him go and you snatched him from us. What would he have been like today? Would he have had a wife and children? Would he have still been part of IR? You didn't give him a chance to do any of that." Dropping down onto the sandy beach, I laid back and looked up to where Five would be. No longer manned by a live person. Brains had refitted her so that a serious call for help would be rerouted to Tracy Island. After our brother died, nobody felt it right to be on Five. That was his 'bird and it hurt each of us to be where he had spent so much time.

_Forgetting all protocol for post-rescue maintenance, I rushed back to the infirmary only to stop short at the sight before me. Scott was kneeling on the floor his head on Johnny's chest, sobs racking his body. But it was Johnny's final attempt to comfort Scott that shattered my heart and drove me to my knees…one of his badly burned hands that Scott had treated and wrapped with something Brains created was on Scott's shoulder. _

_We honored his final wishes and he was buried back in Kansas next to Mom. No major fanfare as this was Johnny, our quiet brother. _

"We took you home, Johnny. For all that was good on the Island, Kansas was home in your heart." Wiping the tears from my face, I tried to smile. "The pain of losing you just hasn't gone away, big brother. Some days are more bearable than others but today," a sob escaped my mouth before I could stop it, "but today isn't just any. Today is the day we lost you."

"We haven't lost him, Gordy." Scott walked up to me and gracefully sat down. "We haven't forgotten or stopped loving him so we haven't lost him. He's always with us." Draping an arm over my shoulder, he pulled me against him. "He wouldn't want us to isolate ourselves like this, Gords. Family meant everything to him no matter how crazy we made him."

Giving up on wiping the tears away, I looked out over the ocean. "Scott, do you ever wonder who he'd be today?"

Chuckling, he pulled me closer. "Gords, you have to stop listening to that song. Johnny would have been like the rest of us…married with a kid or two. Still working with IR and still writing books both fiction and nonfiction. He'd probably have earned a few more masters degrees."

A shout from up the beach had us both looking up at the strawberry blonde child, running towards us, "DADDY, I WANTS TO GO SCHWIMMIN'!"

Scott stood up, offering me a hand. "Life goes on, little brother, and John would want you to enjoy it to its fullest." Nodding in the direction of the little boy running for us, "Johnny there is proof of that. How you ended up with a child that looks a bit like John, I'll never know."

My son threw his arms around my legs, looking up at me with those same piercing blue eyes that John had and I knew then that while time doesn't heal all wounds, it does help us move on.

"Daddy, is you sad cos Uncle Johnny not here?"

Bending down to pick up my boy, I nodded, "Yeah, Johnny, I am." I hugged him close.

Pushing back, he stared in my eyes, "Him not gone, Daddy. Him is right here." He placed his small hand over my heart.

A sense of peace flowed through me at his touch and though I still missed my big brother, the pain I'd felt earlier had lessened to a dull ache. The pain would never go away but maybe the idiot who said time heals all wounds was a little bit right. Glancing up at where I knew Thunderbird Five to be, I gave a half-hearted grin. _"I'll see you again someday, Johnny."_

* * *

A/N: The song that Scott was referring to was Who You'd be Today by Kenny Chesney. Which I don't own or have any claims to.


	2. Take Me Home

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Thunderbirds, International Rescue, or the Tracys.

**A/N:** When I posted Who You'd be Today, JoTracy123 mentioned something that triggered a few ideas for a second part of that story. Credit for the idea goes to her. Tissue warning issued. Oh, the song that I used for inspiration for John's POV was _Take Me Home _by Celtic Thunder.

**Take Me Home**

As rescues go this one was straight forward. Get in, save those who are trapped, put out the fire, and get out. Routine as far as rescues go. That's how it started but once we'd gotten everyone at risk to safety things stopped being so routine.

I hate heat and this rescue was a scorcher in every sense of the word. Scott, Gordon, and I worked in tandem as we'd done numerous times before. We got everyone to out of the danger zone and to the waiting rescue workers. Walking back to Thunderbird Two, I couldn't help but notice that she wasn't very green at the moment. Sighing, I mumbled my thoughts aloud, "Virgil is not going to be happy with the soot or scorch marks on his 'bird."

A drop of sweat dripped into my eye and I wiped my glove across my forehead.

Gordon snickered from next to me. "Nice look, Johnny, just like a raccoon." The little, well, big idiot grinned when I flipped him off. "I'm telling Dad that you're using bad sign language again."

"Whatever, fish-face, I'm hot and dirty," I replied, grinning evilly. You'd have thought he'd have known then that something was about to happen. Now that the rescue was finished, we were able to relax a bit.

Scott snuck up behind our younger brother with a water cooler half-full of ice water. He dumped the contents over Gordon's head. Shaking his head, he managed to get me and Scott a bit wet as well. "Ahh, that was refreshing."

Scott shoved the cooler on his head, muttering something about him being a fish out of water. I don't know how he could ever forget that. Gordon was definitely the water baby of the family and had been from the time Mom first carried him into a pool. A loud crackling sound reverberated through the wooded area causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tree shift and my gaze followed the trunk to the topmost branches. What I saw scared the hell out of me and I shoved my brothers as the flaming tree fell towards us.

Screams of pain rose above the crackling of the burning tree yet the cries seemed muffled. That's when I understood that I was the one screaming as the flames ate at my hair and exposed flesh. Pinned beneath the tree, I could do nothing to save myself.

I kept my eyes closed and my breath hitched. Small whimpers of pain pushed past my burnt lips. I couldn't stop shaking even as my brothers worked to free me. I felt them shift me to a backboard but must have blacked out because the next thing I knew, I could vaguely make out the interior of the medical bay on Two.

Fear and pain coursed through my veins. "Take…me home…want…to…go home." I could feel the worry and panic emanating from my brothers. Their fear and panic was almost tangible.

"We're going to take you home, Johnny. Brains will have you fixed up in no time," Scott choked out. He knew as well as I did that it was unlikely that I would make it home. I think I heard Gordon run towards the flight deck. It was sheer luck that Thunderbird One was down for repairs and Scott had flown out here with us. It meant that somebody was here with me as I kept fading in and out.

Gasping for breath, I continued to whimper and beg to go home whilst Scott tried to make me comfortable. I knew that he knew I wasn't going to make it. I knew I wasn't going to make it and that scared the hell out of me. Not fear for myself but fear of leaving my brothers and Dad behind.

It was that fear that gave me the strength to reach out to my big brother one last time. He'd knelt next to me, his shoulders shaking as he tried to keep his tears in check. "Hold on, please, Johnny. Please don't die. We need you…I need you."

Fighting against the pain, I slowly moved my hand up to his shoulder. "Take…care…Scotty…" I struggled to finish what I had to say. "I…love you…guys…look…to…the…stars…I'll be…there…with…Mom…"

Feeling Two land, Scott leaned over John, "We're home, Johnny. You can let go, now."


End file.
